growth

Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That

ColoradoJayde-8

My main goal for 2014 is to focus on myself mentally, physically, spiritually, and financially. 2013 was a year of change, good, bad, and neutral. I kind of fell off the path I was headed on in 2012, the path I needed and wanted to continue along. I fell back into certain bad habits such as negative thinking, self-doubt, and self-dislike. I lost some of my self-esteem that I had gained in 2012 and the years past. At the same time, I made a major move, nearly 11hours from home into my own little apartment with my best girl, a new city, a [sorta] new job, new people, new responsibilities. That move brought me a brand new start. Not knowing anybody helped me free my mind somewhat from expectations and social pressures. Not knowing my way around gave me increased confidence in my ability to learn directions and new things in general. Having Jayde all to myself and vice versa gave me focus toward her needs and our relationship. Having the apartment to myself all day and every night helped me realize a little more what my ideal balance of social and alone time is (i.e. I function pretty darn well when I’m alone 98% of the time). I became calmer, not as apt to extreme mood swings, and settled into the role of ‘adult’ that required me to pay bills, take care of household responsibilities, and take complete control of myself (i.e. nobody telling me to get up, brush the dogs, clean my room, etc. etc.)

Goals for 2014 include saving $600 [if not more]; try meditation; practiceΒ Radical Honesty;Β clean up my diet by reducing sugar intake, drinking more water, and eating more fruits and veggies; and practicing daily gratitude. Some of these might be monthly projects, but I am not limiting them to 30 days. I want to bring more awareness into my life in these areas. This blog will be geared toward my process of bettering myself.

Peace & Pawprints

 

 

Just this little thing called reality

A new adventure. A new state, a new city, new people, new dogs, new sights, new sounds, new backdrops, new experiences, new trails, new parks, new roads, new houses, new independence, new responsibility. New everything.

Tonight was the last night of work at the place I’ve worked at for the past 5yrs. To say the emotions were almost overwhelming is an understatement. I’ve been with that restaurant since the very beginning: 8 managers, 3 managing partners, 4 or 5 kitchen managers, and dozens of co-workers; the ups and downs; every change & adjustment; and all the best times & the worst times of my life. It was my first job, and an extremely positive one at that. Honestly, I never considered it a job because I loved it so much. That place – the building, the knowledge that came with the job, and the company itself – holds more memories than I could ever count. So when I walked out the doors for the last time, I felt the finality of it. The end.

TRH goodbye TRH goodbye card

That’s what my life has been like the past week or so. Moments of sudden finality. Realizing the moments of “end.” Not all have been pleasant (although some definitely have). Most of these moments I’ve balked at with my innate fear of change, but then have quietly resolved myself for what’s to come, as a necessity. I believe my last shift tonight at work was one of the biggest so far, the biggest end, the biggest door to a new beginning. New.

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Me and Jayde-7

On the same point, I am thankful that I have these reminders of reality. More and more I’ve been looking at Jayde and wondering how she’s going to adjust. Not necessarily because I am worried that she *won’t* adjust but more so because she has no warning of what’s to come. In a little less than a week her world is going to be flipped upside down and she’s not going to understand why Mandy & Buddy & Secret are no longer there every day. She’s not going to understand why she hasΒ the new house our new apartment all to herself for extended periods of time. Her entire life she’s lived in a family, with people walking in and out (at all hours, at that) of the house, other dogs always around her, a doggy door that gave her freedom to go outside or inside whenever she chose.

And put in that perspective, the changes I am going through and will go through are minimal compared to her’s. At least I have time to mentally prepare myself.

Peace & Pawprints