fear

Just this little thing called reality

A new adventure. A new state, a new city, new people, new dogs, new sights, new sounds, new backdrops, new experiences, new trails, new parks, new roads, new houses, new independence, new responsibility. New everything.

Tonight was the last night of work at the place I’ve worked at for the past 5yrs. To say the emotions were almost overwhelming is an understatement. I’ve been with that restaurant since the very beginning: 8 managers, 3 managing partners, 4 or 5 kitchen managers, and dozens of co-workers; the ups and downs; every change & adjustment; and all the best times & the worst times of my life. It was my first job, and an extremely positive one at that. Honestly, I never considered it a job because I loved it so much. That place – the building, the knowledge that came with the job, and the company itself – holds more memories than I could ever count. So when I walked out the doors for the last time, I felt the finality of it. The end.

TRH goodbye TRH goodbye card

That’s what my life has been like the past week or so. Moments of sudden finality. Realizing the moments of “end.” Not all have been pleasant (although some definitely have). Most of these moments I’ve balked at with my innate fear of change, but then have quietly resolved myself for what’s to come, as a necessity. I believe my last shift tonight at work was one of the biggest so far, the biggest end, the biggest door to a new beginning. New.

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Me and Jayde-7

On the same point, I am thankful that I have these reminders of reality. More and more I’ve been looking at Jayde and wondering how she’s going to adjust. Not necessarily because I am worried that she *won’t* adjust but more so because she has no warning of what’s to come. In a little less than a week her world is going to be flipped upside down and she’s not going to understand why Mandy & Buddy & Secret are no longer there every day. She’s not going to understand why she hasΒ the new house our new apartment all to herself for extended periods of time. Her entire life she’s lived in a family, with people walking in and out (at all hours, at that) of the house, other dogs always around her, a doggy door that gave her freedom to go outside or inside whenever she chose.

And put in that perspective, the changes I am going through and will go through are minimal compared to her’s. At least I have time to mentally prepare myself.

Peace & Pawprints

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