change

Just this little thing called reality

A new adventure. A new state, a new city, new people, new dogs, new sights, new sounds, new backdrops, new experiences, new trails, new parks, new roads, new houses, new independence, new responsibility. New everything.

Tonight was the last night of work at the place I’ve worked at for the past 5yrs. To say the emotions were almost overwhelming is an understatement. I’ve been with that restaurant since the very beginning: 8 managers, 3 managing partners, 4 or 5 kitchen managers, and dozens of co-workers; the ups and downs; every change & adjustment; and all the best times & the worst times of my life. It was my first job, and an extremely positive one at that. Honestly, I never considered it a job because I loved it so much. That place – the building, the knowledge that came with the job, and the company itself – holds more memories than I could ever count. So when I walked out the doors for the last time, I felt the finality of it. The end.

TRH goodbye TRH goodbye card

That’s what my life has been like the past week or so. Moments of sudden finality. Realizing the moments of “end.” Not all have been pleasant (although some definitely have). Most of these moments I’ve balked at with my innate fear of change, but then have quietly resolved myself for what’s to come, as a necessity. I believe my last shift tonight at work was one of the biggest so far, the biggest end, the biggest door to a new beginning. New.

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Me and Jayde-7

On the same point, I am thankful that I have these reminders of reality. More and more I’ve been looking at Jayde and wondering how she’s going to adjust. Not necessarily because I am worried that she *won’t* adjust but more so because she has no warning of what’s to come. In a little less than a week her world is going to be flipped upside down and she’s not going to understand why Mandy & Buddy & Secret are no longer there every day. She’s not going to understand why she hasΒ the new house our new apartment all to herself for extended periods of time. Her entire life she’s lived in a family, with people walking in and out (at all hours, at that) of the house, other dogs always around her, a doggy door that gave her freedom to go outside or inside whenever she chose.

And put in that perspective, the changes I am going through and will go through are minimal compared to her’s. At least I have time to mentally prepare myself.

Peace & Pawprints

It’s that ‘C’ word again

Change.

I’ve never been good with change. I like routine, certainty, knowing the next steps, the next stages. Change scares me because there is never any certainty. You don’t know what’s going to happen, even if you think you do. You just have to keep walking, see what happens, and deal with it as it comes. Sounds like life to me.

I’m not good at thinking on my feet. I’m much better at thinking things through before acting on anything. (I think that comes from my fear of being wrong/doing the wrong thing.) And even when I do think things through, if I do not know *exactly* what’s going to happen, I always expect the worse scenario.

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Today I put the deposit down for an apartment. In a big city. Far far far away from home. An apartment that will be mine and Jayde’s home for the next 10 months at least. A city where I do not know anyone, have no support system. A city that I am not familiar with at all. Just me and my dog. While I am excited for a new adventure, I am nervous and scared in equal amount. I’ve never been good with meeting new people or trying new things. I’ve always been one to sit back and watch before doing or saying anything. And at this point in time, all I can think about is everything that could go wrong.

DogQuote2

Talking to my co-workers, I’ve gotten a lot of encouragement that’s made me feel a tad bit better. The city I’m moving to is very dog friendly and has lots of dog parks. I’m hoping this means I will have a better chance of meeting some like-minded (read: dog crazii) people, as that is going to be my go-to. Jayde is going to be my rock, because in the new city, I’m going to have no one else (at least at first). Being in a new area also means new scenery and lots more photos! I am really excited to get Jayde in front of some scenic backgrounds. πŸ™‚ At this point, I have to keep in mind the positive aspects of this new adventure and try not to worry about things so much.

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There is one thing that’s been weighing on my mind for a couple weeks now.Β The Ashhole, as some of you might know, is my closest & best friend. I’ve never moved before. I’ve lived in the same house my entire life. I never had to change schools. I’ve never had to leave loved ones behind. And while it is “natural” to leave your parents at some point in your life – to move out, become more independent and responsible for yourself and your actions, try your hand out in the real world – it never crossed my mind that I’d be moving away from my best friend someday. Friends are supposed to always be there. Sure, we can talk over text and Skype. We can visit on holidays and birthdays. We can keep in contact over social media. But it doesn’t seem like it’d be the same thing. Or maybe that’s my fear. No, I know that’s my fear. I’ve pushed it to the back of my mind, where it nigs and nags at my thoughts.

So I’ve been spending as much time as possible with Ashley. Amazing she hasn’t gotten tired of me yet. πŸ™‚

Peace.