I’m 22 years old. Not old by any account, particularly when I see couples that have been married for 40, 50, 60 years. <– That is a life. [When someone says they are “old” when in actuality they are in their 30s or 40s, I can’t help but roll my eyes. If you’re “old” at age 42, what are you going to be at 82? A dinosaur? That would be interesting.]
In my 22 years of life, I did not really grasp the idea that it is MY life until roughly 3 years ago. MY life being one that I actually have the free will to make decisions without worrying about a cookie cutter approach or breaking any rules. Actually, I’m still settling into the idea of listening to my own thoughts and feelings and moving toward that feeling of happiness and contentedness when it comes to me instead of trying to figure out the correct approach, decision, etc. In other words, I’m still working on making myself happy instead of everyone around me happy. [And if there is anything I hate, it is seeing others being/feeling hurt by something I said or did.] I’m still working on not seeing the world in black or white.
Throughout these past few years, one common theme constantly made itself noticed:
It’s all in what you believe.
No matter where I turned, this statement was, and is, relevant. So when I started blogging a while back, I found it appropriate to use as my tagline.
What it means to me might be painfully obvious to most people.
It’s all in your head. Whatever you think is there, is true, is false, is whatever, then that’s what it is (whatever “it” may be). Because you make your own reality. You are shaped by lots of things but that doesn’t mean you are required to think [believe] in similar ways as your siblings, friends, or parents. Something I heard quite a bit growing up was, “I don’t believe in _______ (fill in the blank).” Some of the words or phrases that filled in the blank astounded me, because the word or phrase was plain as day to me. How could you not believe in something that was obviously very real?
[Are you starting to see a little of how my mind works? xD Welcome to the dark side.]
I took that phrase, threw it around in my head for a while, and came up with an idea that related it to more abstract things, like God, love, racism, beauty, the existence of a soul, etc. And when I came up with that, I realized that I knew very little about what to believe. Still being worried about picking the “wrong” choice (is God real?) I decided to dig a little more, research what others thought and, more importantly, WHY they thought that way. And that is what I am doing at this point in my life. I call it self-searching. Searching for answers, for what works best for me. It’s not a